Average Reading Time: 4 min 16 sec

The memories of being his daughter can only be shared from the eyes of the child I was. I recall that I held on so tight to his hand when we walked the streets of our neighborhood. Even today, I could see the birds in the trees as they chirped while children played stickball in the street.

The smell of summertime was in the air as we walked to the avenue to get french fries and fried shrimp in a brown paper bag which we ate as we walked back home. I was always amazed at the fun I had with my dad just walking around our neighborhood.

"Old as she was she still missed her daddy." -Gloria Naylor

I miss him today mostly on Wednesdays. Why? Well, that was the day I visited him weekly for years or at one time he visited me and it was his favorite day of the week. He lived in and out of mental institutions and adult homes for the last thirty years of his life.

The day came when he could not put on a front of being normal for my children so he told me, "I can no longer come to your house it's too difficult for me to leave my world and enter yours." Now I know what he meant. Labeled manic-depressant because he attempted suicide he struggled for years to continue being the dad that I adored. My belief is that people who struggle with depression of any kind have had their hearts broken by someone they loved and trusted. I'm positive today that I was loved by him as deeply as I loved him.

"One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." -George Herbert

Growth is essential and unconditional love is the key to opening our hearts. I am at an age of insight and clarity. My wisdom years one might say. I have discovered the truth in the words that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. My belief is that we are here to learn how to be human beings. What if, we are here to learn the simple lesson of love? When we love we accept and forgive those that we fear. When we love we open our hearts to release love towards others. It is the time in life right now to love, forgive and accept that we are all doing the best we can.

"We are here to connect with our soul!" -Linda Amato

Be in delight of the times he held your hand maybe crossing the street. Was he the dad that taught you to hunt, fish, ride a  bike or drive a car? Was he the man who showed you how to hold a baseball bat, toss a ball or play hockey?

The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams, and aspirations he sets not only for himself but for his family." -Reed Markham

I see the struggle within to express truth because of financial concerns, illness, and having to support their family. As women we expect their strength to support us in all situations but they have to be taught to know it's safe to express love and show emotion from a young age. Maybe one day our father, brothers, husbands, and sons will shed the tears that bind them.

"It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons!" -Johann Friedrich Von Schiller

At one time in my life I wrote many poems when I was struggling with understanding life myself. Poetry helped me heal my fears. Here is one I would like to share that I wrote the year after my dad went home to the spirit world at the age of seventy.

I AM AT PEACE

A lifetime we shared

I as your child

You were so mild

I treasure the memory

Like pictures in a book

And the wisdom you gave me.

My heart full of pain

My body hurt so

When you had to go.

The days filled with tears

The nights without sleep

For I wanted you near.

I approach the anniversary

A year since your death

With a calmness inside

I no longer need to cry.

A cleansing of my mind

My eyes are dry

As I now say, "goodbye!" 

Meditate. Pray. Journal.